Letting it “Do what it Do”

Whenever I am in the midst of a creative project, I am notorious for letting the medium “do what it does.”  I am in a dialogue with the paint, canvas, and sometimes even my hands–who don’t always draw the foundation sketch I have in my mind’s eye.

Many times I have happy accidents that take the piece in a direction I never dreamed of.  Sometimes I struggle with experimentation in the middle of a painting.  What happens to this if I move that?  What if the paint dries, what if it drips, what if I’m out of a color I need–AND all the colors it takes to mix it up?  This isn’t working–that isn’t “right.”

Does it make me less of an artist to surrender some control?  When I start a piece, I usually allow for the idea that it may not turn out like the original vision, and I am okay with that.  In fact, I enjoy it.  Somehow, some way, I feel like God painted it with me.  I like letting the flow “in” to paint.

Such is my life, full of unexpected wonderfulness that turned out way better than I could have planned.

I’m all for some planning–it’s necessary to organize life and cover the basics.  I don’t ever want to be unwilling to flex if something cool shows up, though.

Modern Day Lullaby

So, I understand that my unborn child can now hear me singing, talking.  I’ve been thinking about what to sing.  Cheesy, but I really like this song right now.

My mom’s favorite modern day lullaby (for the time) was “Cotton Fields” by Credence Clearwater.

Valentwined

One of my best original quotes ever was made off the cuff in 2006 while being interviewed for a women’s weekly magazine in Birthtown.  I was all excited about being highlighted in the magazine only to discover the caption on the cover underneath my portrait read “Valentine’s Day for the Romantically Challenged.”  OOOOh geeez, can’t I catch a break?  I was single at the time and going through some really craptacular relationship stuff.

So here is my quote.  When asked why celebrate Valentine’s Day, I replied, “We need a holiday that reminds us to love each other for the same reason that all public restrooms have a sign posted that says ’employees must wash hands before returning to work.'”

So, for posting my own quote, I probably relegate myself to the group of people who laugh at their own jokes and fawn over their own reflections.  Oh well.

For some of us, telling others how we feel is natural, but for others, not so much.  Some of us need to hear that stuff and understand exactly what kind of waves are undulating from our loved ones’ grey matter.

Last night, Hubbs had a little truth serum and revealed some of his deepest darkest about our upcoming life transition (into parenthood) and its effects on his plans for business and our future.  As he went on, I realized that he’d been consumed with these thoughts for days on end.  Since he was mentally spent already, he asked me point blank what I’d like for Valentine’s Day.  I told him my wishes–exactly.  (Romantic, huh?)  He’s followed my suggestions beautifully so far, but the real gift was the meandering conversation that flowed into the wee hours of this special day: his profession of how our lives joined together and how he prepared for me before he found me.  LOVE.

P.S.  In two hours, we pursue the reservations for our candlelight dinner at WAFFLE HOUSE–novel, different, and fitting my cravings for all things potato.

Scattered, smothered, covered, and chunked,

Me

Lentin Blog, Take 2: 2013

So, apparently, I have to make a deal with God in order to find the discipline to write regularly.  I DO believe that we must take turns living and writing about living so that we don’t get too into one so much that the other suffers (life vs. inner dialogue)…so, back to the pen (or the keyboard).

Just two and a half months after the April miscarriage, I found myself expectant (Mama) again.  Wow.  This one stuck.  I’m seven months prego, and it’s getting really really real up in here!  Having two miscarriages back to back will make the next pregnancy go by in warp speed.  By the time you admit to yourself that you might actually have a viable thing going on, it’s already time to find out the sex and see moving pictures.  The whole thing has a surreal feeling about it, but this parenting adventure we are about to embark on–it’s heavy stuff–if you really think about it.  Any friends who ask me why I am so scared to become a parent get the same reply, “Anyone who’s been to therapy knows how much parents affect who you are, who you become.”

Yes, we all have free will, but doesn’t the free will come into play once you realize that maybe how WE do it isn’t how everyone else does?

Other developments include losing my job just before Thanksgiving.  It was a blow to the ego (to pack up my shizzle and get the Hell outta there), but I’m pretty sure it was a blessing.  Former Company was most masterful with mixed messages–better with mixed messages than its own product.  There were trumped up (false) accusations followed by a reasonable severance and opportunity for government cheese for a while.  Perhaps they felt poorly putting a pregnant gal out on the street with a COBRA and a smile.  Oh well.  As I said before the whole separation took place, “I would work for Satan himself if I could work from home.”

I think God got me outta there and set me on a different path.  So, here I am, back at Spiral Sketchbook, exploring again.

Happy Lent.

My ATM

Special thanks to www.creativewritingprompts.com for today’s entry.  I’m playing catch-up as I often do for my Lentin writing commitment.  God knows I’m a mess.  Spent lots of time today preparing for and executing a phone interview that I’m pretty sure will be fruitless.  Even if I get an in-person interview, how will they realistically deal with my 7.5 month baby bump???  I mean, REALLY.

Anywhooooo, on to prompt 182: If an ATM  could be custom created for you, what would it spew out instead of money?

If an ATM could be custom created for me, it would spew affirmations.  My love language is definitely “words of affirmation.”  Hopefully, those affirmations would be so personal that I would believe them!  I’ve had a tough go lately being jobless and feeling less-than-beautiful.  All the women say I glow, but I’ve had to convince Hubbs to focus on my beautiful hair…